Eric the Blue

Lots of people say we’re living in “the dumbest timeline ever” but this isn’t true for those of us who, like me, have a hard time distinguishing Donald Trump from Jesus Christ (or either one from a medical doctor). The pope seems pretty sure of his judgment so maybe you have to be trained in theology and classical languages to discern the subtle divergences in character and message. But then you have to consider too that, on the other side of the question, our vice president also appears to be pretty sure of himself, to the point that he has warned the pope against speaking up thoughtlessly on doctrinal matters. On the side of the vice president we have the Secretary of Defense–or War, as he prefers–whose numerous invocations of Scripture include film maker Quentin Tarrantino’s made-up riff on an obscure verse in everyone’s favorite, the Book of Ezekiel. Pulp Fiction: even better than the real thing?

It’s a minority view, but I’d like to put in a word for the opinion of a character in a Woody Allen movie who, after spending some time watching religious programming on tv (this is back in the day before Pentagon press briefings qualified), tells his live-in girlfriend that if Jesus Christ were to come back to Earth, land in America, and take in everything being done in his name, or in his defense, he (Jesus) would not be able to stop throwing up. When you think it over, this view seems more in line with the pope’s, and I think that’s the way I’m leaning, which is weird because I’ve had a vasectomy, but maybe this is after all “the dumbest timeline ever,” and in any event it’s even possible that I wouldn’t care in the least about any of this if Trump administration officials, including the top one, would just stfu.

[Lol, I just asked the “AI Assistant” to “provide feedback” on the above and she quickly obliged: “This content presents a unique perspective that blends humor with serious commentary, but it can benefit from a more structured approach.” No, sorry, I’m done, the lack of structure is going to live on the Internet forever, and anyway I can console myself with the thought that the first reviews of “Song of Myself” were less favorable.]